眼睛

好几年了，这种感觉和预感都快给忘了。 人与人之间的最间接的接触就是眼睛。对我来说是一件很奥妙的。👀 与眼睛也存在我们所谓的“磁场”，搞得我好紧张（有时候）。

近几年我都不用正面的眼神去看一个人，而“他的眼睛”终于成功的吸引我。每周我们只会碰两次面，而这两天我都会特别的期待，好像“他”の到来会牵动着我的心情。很多时候，我都在想是不是缘分安排の。与他同班一年，第一堂课就被安排与他一组而接二连三都是他。你说，这是缘分吗？ 那时的我还没被他的眼睛吸引，但我却发现他长得挺好看，帅。 然后，这学期我们又同班了。这次与他同组的机会变少但就多了眼神交流。我很希望这不是我太命感或者想过而做的结论。很多时候，我们想の东西很一致，而且常常碰衣服的颜色。一次两次可以说是巧合，但多过三次就是缘分吧！ 他的条件很好，不抽烟，不喝酒而且还会下厨，这の是好男生。可惜の是我们宗教理念不同，我就不明白为什么班上的中国妹子不喜欢和他们一组！话说回来这の却让我感到很奇怪，每次我们互相看对方时那种眼神，那种感觉很不一样。 与我对望其他の中东人眼神不一样，可以告诉我原因吗？ 前几个月还是夏天の一个晚上，我去倒垃圾时隐约の听到他的声音在另外一栋楼那，那时の我没戴眼镜但我知道那里有人在聊天。那时候，我开始紧张，开心。若他是住我隔壁楼那也太有缘太巧了吧！你说呢？ 过后，我开始回避与他眼神交流但还是很难避免。我不想越陷越深，对不实际の拥有任何的希望，也不想拥有那么的想象。

上帝，若这真的你安排的缘分我会坦然地接受但我可不想为着一点小事烦哦。有缘的话，下学期就会同班或相遇吧！

When it comes to reality

I thought I could hold my strength with the bravery that god gave 

Unfortunate, I fail 

It will be a long December and 2013

We all loss the car legend, Paul Walker which really make my day down 

Throwback on every movie, condolence by the ff families 

Devastating news ever 

The tears just couldn't hold any longer in my eyes

Heartbreaking for the universal  and also for me
Suddenly, i felt that i lost someone important in my life and turn my life to be dark.
Looking forward the light sent by the God to show me the path
Now, i realized how important it is to be love and love everyone besides you.
"LOVE" is never late as you have it with you and telling peoples. 
"LOVE" is never a romantic but somehow a way to show you caring.
Nov 30 always a day to remember you, and your spirit will always live with us. 

The Loss

Nov 30 2013, black day of the month because we all loss him, Paul Walker.

Legend of the car race since 2001, playing the role of Brian O' Conner in Fast & Furious.

Yet, everything gonna to be different since then.

The moment i saw the news it was really a huge strike ever.

Only two celebrities that got me down.

Wong Ka Kui, Paul Wong dead on June 30 1993 and now we loss Paul Walker one the Nov 30 twenty years after Paul Wong.

A sudden strike and tragic news before the end of 2013.

I really wish that's just a sense of rumor 

Somehow, God just playing a trick with us.

All the fans of him got heartbroken once the news was confirmed.

I still can't believed it,

just like i'm still dreaming.

You know, how much it hurts although he's just my favor actor

I did cry the moment i hear about the news'

Barely lose of control of myself

The sadness can be only buried inside my heart 

Dec 13 will be his last movie left for all of his fans,

Paul Walker, rest in peace 

and I believed your work left for us will always remain as what it was.

The Image

I'm not God but myself .

Sometimes, i'm lost nowhere 

Sometime, life can be reckless, hopeless, sad , disappointed

But,

if we're being optimistic 

Life will be fun, happy and meaningful. 

I just need someones' to enlighten me 

Telling and showing me the light, where i'm suppose to be.

I know, 

right now i'm not who i'm

Something is still missing 

And, what i need is explore myself to find out 

The fire will start to glow once the time is right

And, yet that will be the time i find myself.

The years and days before,

I blamed everything

I blamed on results, lecturer, friends, families but NOT myself.

That moment, i knew i was lost.

Somehow, I'm being too arrogant and tenacious on something and focusing more on the pre-surface.

I knew, life was never easy for everyone.

But, still I insisted with what I thought at first.

Nobody can changed it tho.

For now, i'm willing to accept whatever advise, comment from others.

The goal of mine was to learn as much as i could.

I'm willing to pay for the price and wanted to have a glory reputation

I want to earn my first goal before 30.

I see the image of what i wanted the most in the future.

I know what i'm going to focus on

And, I just need to brave myself and learn to be confidence

No more admiring on others.

For friendships, i will just take it easy.

No pressure on friendships

Journey is mine, not theirs.

So, why should I bother so much on friendships when it's no worthy?

Just be smart and learn.

Complaining all over the f* status at facebook sometime just got me so annoyed.

I'm not proud of myself but it's really the time for them to think about it.

From what i had seen was they were just the same as my past.

Be mature, please.

Think deeper and have a more wider images around the world.

莫名的伤感

这几天不懂怎么了，莫名的伤感~

是因为音乐还是人事物让我感觉到这种莫名的伤感！

曾经以为我拥有一颗冷酷，坚强的内心

原来，一切都变了！

只从经历了某些事情长智的时候，我就变了

变得不再是我，不再是以前的我。

开始变得多虑，顾虑，焦急

同时，也让我领悟一些道理

或许，是因为这样 我变得多虑 觉得我的生涯有点可悲

每当我想找人聊聊天的时候，往往哪里都是空无一人的

与妈咪谈心的时间已超以与朋友谈心了。

不懂是我人缘差 还是 我身边的朋友都只不过是过路人

有时侯想起，眼眶泪水就在里面打滚

真让我心疼，失望

我的友谊生涯-可悲

莫名的感觉

虽然人生充满了很多不愉快，不顺利的事情。但，你知道吗？往往在我们哀怨的时候，我们经历的事与物都是让我们经历长大的过程。以前，我常埋怨为什么我比别人倒霉，比别人不幸而今，我似乎有些领悟。人生的道路不是平坦的，而是曲折。如今我试着不和朋友说我的心得烦恼，因为真正懂你的人她们会理解，会去关心而不是等你去烦去诉苦而最终无济于事。现在，我学会如何去面对，解决，分析我自己想要的。懂得我的心想要的什么，不再犹豫，也不再拖拖拉拉的做决定。其实，告诉别人你的苦衷不见得是一件有效的事，别人和你经历的不一致，而她们也不会理解。每个人的人生路都不一样，所以我不会象以前那样笨想要别人去理解，去明白，去诉苦。虽然，我的大学生涯会很难熬，时间延长了，会有很多的难题等着我去面对，也会泪水等着我去擦干，也会有很多不如意的事等着我，而我相信只要不放弃，不犹豫，和常常询问妈咪意见。我相信这一切难熬的时刻很快就会过了。 有时侯，我真的觉得我变了尤其是我的心，不再那么的坚强。很多时候，遇到不如意的事或则功课和考试遇到难题我几乎都处于在精神焦急的状态，很容易崩溃，发脾气和哭。这个月我应食物的问题和妈咪发脾气了，我生气她不理解我的处境，我哭我懊恼。可是，事过后我很感动因为妈咪每个月又多deposit 150美金让我打得士去买吃的和用的。我真的不需要那么多钱，妈咪的辛苦，谅解真的让我铭记在心。我不应该向她发脾气，我知错了，妈咪。对不起。
今天，我的心疼，提不起劲，不知为什么？复杂的心情，莫名的感觉很难说清楚。但，最后我想说的是“妈咪，谢谢你一直以来的付出和谅解我的脾气。”

隐藏

一个嬉皮笑脸的人，你知道她背后隐藏的委屈吗？有多少个人能真正的理解？又有几个可以以你为出发点去体会？事实上真的，没有！即使与我最亲近的妈妈也无法体会我现在的心情。你知道吗？有时候，我在想我在这求学真的是对的选择吗？在一个交通不方便的郊区读书真的是为我好吗？你有可知道有时候我为这件事，懊恼了几天甚至发脾气。要出门，买东西真的好好好麻烦！都要靠别人，等等等！我接受不了，没有食物我好没安全感，而且我也不是很有耐性的人。我真的很需要一个明白我的立场的人但每次都没有。我真的好失败，我好想哭了！这是这学期我第二次崩溃和哭吧！是我变脆弱了，还是眼泪太多了？想到要在这鬼地方辅修双休学位我就开始摇摆不定，我不懂我是否应该继续还是选其中之一，快点毕业！ 有时候，活得真累 我很想放弃 又有谁知道呢？为什么人就是有那么多的借口，最让我厌恶的是“忙”。我真的很想去理解那忙中的意思，因为从我看来一个人的忙也不至于忙整天，而往往我身边的人给我的借口就是这个。依我看，关键不在于忙而是有心还是无心罢了。就像我推辞那些邀请，借口就是忙 而事实是我不想去。同样的道理，灌输在不同人的身上罢了。

What I really wanted to say ...

It had been a month i did not update my blogger. It's too much to say about and is too complicated. Last month, was pretty overwhelmed and unlucky month for myself. Not doing well with my courses, lost my new camera and lots of things to worry with. The last day of the month, I figured out that "Friends are just a passerby in our life" Mum always mentioned all over the time, but i just ignored. She was right about "Never rely too much on your friends, no ones' will come to you as they are bordering with their stuff" and now i agreed with, eventually. I asked friends for help on my assignment and none of it reply. How pathetic I am.  At last, I need to fuck up that assignment by burning up the midnight oil and almost had myself insomnia. For the first time, i slept for 4 hours. That's really suck and disappointed. However, I feel that i'm a lucky person because my families are always there for me helping out to figure the assignment. It makes me to feel like FRIENDS are just an air surround around us, IS EVERYWHERE! But is none of them will be willing to help you when it comes to problem. The only one that always stands by side always mum and myself , "ALONE". Really sound so helpless and pessimistic. To me, friends are just people who I can get  along with some party or fun but not a lending hand, not sharing secret. So, I'm done with it. Time to be invisible and low profile. I keep telling myself that never ever expecting or asking help from others. What I really need is letting myself to strong and knowledgeable. I know everyone is "BUSY" life and i really don't get it why they couldn't help instead of posting, commenting, or liking things. Friend is nothing even you have bunch of them, whenever you need help for something and you're alone then those friendships mean "NOTHING". It makes like i'm invisible with my friendships. Now, I understand it.I'm always thinking of what i expected from others that's why it ended up like this. No offense. 

Letter to My Pass

Dear Cathleen,

Hi, I'm the future of you. I'm here to write to you just to inform you bout what will be happening throughout your teenage journey. Don't be too pessimistic of your middle school and high school grade if you didn't really well performed. You should always believe on your destiny and you were born to be a tough person. Always remember "MUSTNT GIVE UP ON SOMETHING WITHOUT TRYING OR ASSUMING" this wouldn't help but just getting yourself a chance to lie and running away from the reality. Every successor been thru plenty of failure before they were succeed, so it's the same rules that apply onto the study situation. Hard works always pay off. 

Besides, you must change your attitude towards studying and handling on stuff. To be serious on something isn't the worst but being clumsy or irresponsible will be a humiliate to your parents. Play when the time is right just like American did. "PLAY HARD, STUDY HARD" Think of your parents why are they working so hard to pay for your expenses ? What do they expect from you ? Are you willing to disappoint them ? And, don't blame your mum because everything she did was for your own sake. 

Dream for it, go for it. Don't change your thought if others were not on your side. Go for what you think it's right. They were not part of your life, they were just a passbyer. Future is your, chances are yours and the only way to grap not others. Never think of difficulties in your life because nothing is easy if we are  living in the earth. 

Don't give up on your grade if you dream to be doctor. Good grade helps you to apply good university. Having a strong foundation must be build young. 

Regards, 

Future Cathleen 

Busy week

Have been studying for one month and everything seem to be good at the beginning but fuck off at the end.
What came into my mind was, "I NEED TO CHANGE" "IS TIME TO CHANGE"

I always did some ridiculous and stupid things that always get myself screw up just like today

I screw up my genetics exam 1
I'm age of 22 and i need to be serious and responsible for every act and decision i have made.
So...

I need to end up with my "screw up life" by taking serious on my study attitude . 

I don't want to be useless as before. 

Fooling around and wasting mums' money. 

Mum' love me so much and I should also be concern of what I'm doing.
I need to responsible for my 3 major courses and i need to be under president list again.
I know it will be hard for not having a strong foundation on biology.
That's why i need some stress to push myself to the edge.
Study is NEVER easy for students. 

Now, I regret for what I had done in the pass so I promised myself not to repeat the same mistake again. 

"WE CAN LIVE ONCE IN OUR LIFETIME;
BUT CANNOT REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE FOR A LIFETIME." 

Feelings [Part 2]

Everything is back on the track.
Classes began!
Good looking Prof, friendly classmate, enthusiasm housemate, seem like everything going on well and smooth.
Yet, it comes with a complicated feelings that ever had in before.
Is hard to say how i feel for right now.
It's really strange! 
Uhh!!!

Sometimes, i do think of myself.
What have changed me for the entire year?
Why am i working so hard?
Why do i sleep early?
What am i fighting for?
Lots of questions came across.

Sometimes, i felt that this isn't myself
Whatever i'm thinking or working on doesn't seem to be me.
Environments and peoples that came across do not seem to be the same.
But, my arrogant, spirit of winning would always be there.
WHY?

Nevertheless, I miss mum so much.
When i thought of the moment i had in Malaysia and Thailand, my heart hurts.
Although, i didn't talk with dad but my love towards him and mum will always glow from days to days.
I really miss them so much.
I wish i could finish my studies ASAP.

Recently, i thought of finding myself a bf or a friend that allow me to express all my feeling without worries.
But, it seems like "HARD" or 
I need to make the first move ?
I know everything is possible and the decision is on my hand.
Maybe one day, when i am drunk XD 

My Feelings

Almost 2.5 months being and living at home.
Soon, I'll be back to states again. 
All kinds of feeling just knock on my door.
Complicated , annoyed , vexed , worried, sad, happy...
Nothing that had been done for this few months.
Whatever i planned just fuck up.
Things and peoples changed.
So do my families.

Last Saturday was grandma birthday and everything was no longer the same
That kind of feeling can't be describable, very complicated.
Families were separate apart, gossips were being surrounded
Truth or untruth is not worthy to be judge.
What i really learned from my lesson was,
I feel, i think, i saw and i make my own conclusion.
To be honest, i can't agreed with what they said nor the way they judge.
And, some of the blamed was counted under mother kindness.
But, how many's know the truth hidden behind the mask ? 

What i really saw was the difference between the peoples between western and Asia!
Women who lived in Asia and without having global interaction will only remained with their old custom.
I'm not telling that mother was the greatest but she really had that ability and knowledge to judge others. 
She knows how the world works.
If she wasn't right, why should I listen to her ? 
After living in states for one year, i met and i learned.
What she said, she taught was the truth. 
Life was never easy as we thought.
Everyone has their own mask.
Whatever hidden behind we never knew.
But, when we take off of it then we only know what's we handling with.
Although it will be in a tough way. 
Some experiences did not apply on everyone and the lesson will not be the same.
Even though, you already worked but the field where you worked will be remain the same. 
It will not be expanded because of the peoples you met. 

The world i saw was difference from my families members. 
I couldn't said that i had met half of the world, but at least i do had some experience that had changed myself.
The way they thought was completely cover by a tiny layer just like the infant with a layer of yolk.
They couldn't expand the thought and think deeper from every aspect. 
When they judge they never think of the every possibility that brought to the problem.
Again, I'm not arrogant of myself but the thought and experiences i met really brought me a precious lesson ever that i ever had in Malaysia. 
So, they mostly concluded that mother was going over the border.
I couldn't judge but promising myself be work harder to change the reality.
Only money could speak
Money is everything and also power. 
Money can bring family to be together and it also can bring family apart. 

谁能理解？

心中的痛  谁能理解？
心中的寂寞  谁能明白？
坎坷的未来  谁能掌握？

今天特别想这样的写 
这种感觉   这种想法 
突然间就出现在我心和脑。

虽然说，
心中的痛  并不是男女之间的
但  曾经或则现在   少许会出现

虽然说，
现在的我是过着空荡荡的日子
烦恼少了 
或 
甚至没有
但这不代表好哦！
心中的空虚，心里的难过
唯有与你一起经历的人才能理解、体会

意外

人生啊！

太多太多我们无法预料的事情。

上周五，爸爸出了点小意外。

幸好没什么大碍。

虽然，回国至今都没和他沟通。

虽然，表面上我是冷嘲热讽的。

但，心里还是关心的。

这就是我表现的爱吧！

很多个夜晚，我都在想。。。

若

没有之前的争斗，现在会不会不一样？

没有之前的裂痕，现在会不会好聚好散？

太多的“假如”“若”

而这些都是虚假，不存在的假设。

一切一切，发生了

就让时间去改变。

虽然说，现在是有点难里接受，不习惯。

或许，这是我必须经历的一个阶段？

曾经，我埋怨过 恨过 

为什么她们得把一个好好的大家庭搞成如今的局面？

世界上，没有后悔 也没有回头这回事

或许，驾车时 路过错的道路  我们还可以U-TURN

但现实的生活---- 没有 

突然的。。。。怀念与想念

刚刚边做工边听歌 

当音乐播放着周杰伦的----黑色毛衣 

这种感觉---想念与怀念 

袭击了我的心情 

带动了我的情绪 

而 

脑海闪过的是 

大学的朋友

虽说，

我们个分两地

但， 

我相信我们之间的友谊是坚固的 

对过往的伤害，

我无法弥补

而以后的未来，

我唯有收敛呗！

如今我才发现

我们之间曾经拥有一段美好的回忆

而 

这回忆将陪伴我度过留学的生涯。

真的很希望

有一日我们在世界的某个角落相聚。

原来我还是会怕

我都快忘了这种是什么感觉？

也快忘了多久没有经历了？

昨晚，检查学校邮箱时

看到下学期要拿的科，化学

又要拿一个Assessment placement 

七月的第一天，

就让我窒息

我就是想不通

为什么化学与我有仇？

在马拿的化学，

他们不接受

那我拿来干什么？ 

而 我真正害怕的是

不过关

虽然说， 这次是在家考 

但是， 很多东西我都不记得了

这几天又要 复习了

那种失败   不及格

我真的害怕了!

这次我真的承受不了！ 

无论是失败 还是  不及格 

我在也没有那份坚强去面对。

倒霉还是。。。

回国大约一个月半，
而回国的第三星期，
我的手就毁了！
心疼 
埋怨
一句，倒霉 
切冬瓜条也能把手给毁了！

要吃一个月的药 ，
看看效果，
涂一年的药膏 ，
我真的不想双手都那么的难看呀！
真的要那么久的时间来复原吗？
难道不能3个月？
而且，
又不能晒到太阳 ~~
我不是千金小姐 
而我出门也没有涂防晒的习惯 
也很懒惰保养 
喜爱太阳 来展现自己的肤色。

如今，
医生的一句 “不要晒太阳” “晒多的话，会很难愈”
唉哟 我的妈 ！
我到底做错了什么啊！
怨也埋过了 !
医生也看过了 ！
药也每天服用
就 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

我在想，
或许这是一种受惩罚
惩罚以往的过错 
又或者
是一种过运
无论是前者还是后者 
我都接受。
若一个人犯的错，没有惩罚
一声“对不起”来弥补 
那真的无济于事
一张完美的纸皱了就是皱了
虽然，
为自己的过错而付出了代价[惩罚]
弥补不了
也回不了过去
挽不回一颗已经被伤害的心 
但至少我觉得我良心过得去 

不完美的2013

离开NILAI 将近1年了

和她们分开也将近一年

如今，见面的机会少之又少

一个在地球的北段，其余的在地球的南段

放假的时间也不一致

那种想与怀念真的不是词句能表达出来

能成为朋友真的是缘分 

缘分拉近了我们的距离 

缘分建造了我们的回忆

而 

今年我最遗憾的是 我们没能一起吃喝玩乐

过去的我带给她们的伤害真的很多 

我的愤怒统统都发在她们的身上 

这真的让我耿耿于怀 

就像 一张完美的纸，皱了就无法再完美 

友谊也是如此

虽说，已经是过去的事 

但，每当回想起我还是不能接受与原谅我曾经的过错 

若时间能从来

我会选着珍惜这份友谊而不是伤害

所以，2013

唯有以edit的照片暂时顶替

顶替我们的回忆

First time

First time clubbing with my high school friends

And, also first time visited.

It's really fun, enjoyed and excited.

And, also my first time for not having alcohol.

The genes inside my body was calling me to have it

But, i'm worried.

Worried that my sickness will turn bad or uncontrollable.

So, "NO" 

First time seeing my friends drank.

Frankly speak, it's kinda embarrassed actually for losing control.

I am glad that i didn't did something embarrassed when the time i'm drunk. 

Thanks GOD

First time I'm enjoyed 

Enjoyed dancing and shaking with a little help of the alcohol. 

I can barely feel that kinda of relieve that ... indescribable

First time met such a perfect guy, singer from Thais.

He's too prefect.

The most important thing was he's a gay!!!

OMG

That's really a waste

Why the world doesn't treat every fair and equal especially such a perfect guy.

For the first time i fall in love with such live band

Hope that for the next time i'm back to Malaysia there would be a chance for me to bring my college friends to enjoy. 

Craziness, happiness and memories can't be trade by money

So, built it when i'm still young 

Live without regret.  

On My Way Back Home

Waiting for months 

Hiding my excitement

Missing my food

Different kinds of feeling mixed together and came into 

Months away from home

Lots of unpredictable things happened

Life can be restless and uncontrollable

No one's know what will happen next

Neither foreseeing nor dreams. 

It's such a long way back home

Hours of flight and transits from United States to Asia

Chicago, second visit

I love the city and also the peoples.

Sometimes, i wish to be study here

I can shop, eat and enjoy the park

How wonderful life can be if we choose the right destination at first!

This was my first time travelling alone from States to Asia

It's really fun but sometimes I am helpless especially when it came to shopping and also when i'm lost in nowhere 

Hong Kong, second destination

A very short trip for myself to take a breath

What i would said was "JESUS CHRIST" 

The weather was so warm and hot 

I couldn't take it and merely had my asthma 

The stuff over here wasn't that cheap either.

I would prefer to shop in states rather than HK

HK is good for food but others NO

Malaysia, last destination

Seeing the familiar landscape, sea water and also the building makes me so happy 

Seeing the cars, cars plate began with P, K, W makes me feel that I'm home

This was long way for me to be back.   

逃避和惊喜

逃避 

这两个词不知不觉地介入了我的生活 

我也不知道从何开始 我开始逃避某些事情 

令我想要逃避的是 

成绩 

成绩 本来就没那么重要 

但 

不知道从何开始 

我开始害怕了

开始承受不了 

经不起失败了

内心的恐惧 

一天一天的增加 

最后，
心痒痒 
手多多
勇气少少 
查看了成绩 
不可思议 ！！！
成绩竟然出乎我意料中 
那颗心总算放下 
开心死
太久太久了 
我都快忘记那感觉
奋斗后的成功带来的喜悦 

虽然，我没付出99% 
但，至少比以前付出的多吧！
现在，
成绩不单是 及格那么简单
 而且也应该要榜上有名吧！

My Mistake

Mistake that became my shadow 

I would never know the truth or answer,

If someone never tell me

Telling me how ridiculous it was for my undo mistake 

I would never know that the mistake would hurt so much 

Not for others but also myself

I always thought of sincerely 

But I think I'm wrong 

"Sincere" that I brought to others was pain and hurt 

Recalling on those days, had became one of my nightmare 

I could not accepted nor thought of it 

It was my darkest side I ever had in my life 

And, because of the mistake I could face it for the moment 

The pain that I never aspect 

The hurt that I had created 

All those ridiculous move making me to be shameful 

Somehow

I tried to imagine how things work at that time

I also wonder how others thought of me 

How others get through with me

There's too many questions that do not have sufficient answers

Those questions can only deeply bury in no where.  

                                                                                                                         
     [to be continue]

原来 是这样

今天我真的让我感到丢脸啊！

真好没面子去见和回去了呀！

有千千万万的 “原来” 
“原来” 这样 
“原来” 那样
“原来” 那么的好笑 
“原来” 那么的可悲
“原来” 以前真的那么无知，幼稚，愚蠢 

真的不懂该从说起
简约吧！
原来，我给身边的人的印象是那么的差
而，我还不知道  真是丢脸死
我真的太天真，无知和自大
难怪我的人缘那么的差 

或许，曾经
我身边的朋友议论过我
而我 却不知道 
不知道自己的错误
不知道自己带给别人压力 
不知道自己带给别人无奈 

我真的不懂该怎么说自己的过错 
因为错得太离谱了
而在这过错的过程里
却没有人愿意去纠正 
相反的，
这不但包庇了我，宠坏了我 
若 
没来美国的话，
我真的不懂这些“无聊”“愚蠢”的事
我都干尽了                                                                                                    [继续]

Never Said Easy

Fall in love with "Historic" 
I would never said history is easy 
Although I'm interested with it
I learned a lot in history 
And, getting through the Middle East I get to know more about politic and what's happening right now between United States and Iran.
Middle East had been an issues for many years 
(If i did not messed up) around 60 years ?
After the WWII, the break of the Ottoman empire
Israel and Iran can be easily seen from the news today

Every country had their history
And, that's depends on how timeline and peoples
For instance, Africa (Rwanda) 
Within 3 months, 1 millions of the minor population being killed 
Wars in European country had huge amount of innocent people being killed in the war 
And, refugees too
Besides, Malaysia had the most indescribable history
May 13 1969, Chinese being killed 
And, declared the state into national emergency
Now, UMNO and MCA is trying to threaten the nations for the repeating of May 13
They did not know that 44 years later this would never be the same 
May 13 incident would never repeat 
Young generations are no longer the same 
We have our own thought
We are not control or easily compel 
We are standing against the unfair and racist UMNO fighting for our rights
We will never betray our dignity and future because of your F* money 

4 days later, Malaysia will create a new history again
If the opposite parties wins most of the seats 
Then, Malaysia will have a brand new government 
What if, the opposite parties lose 
Then, We just have to bless and pray harder
It's not EASY to win the election when UMNO/ BN is playing dirty tricks 
Just hope that GOD sees it 
Wishing the GOD will stand at the right side, blessing for us.
I really wish the GE13 would be a good beginning for Malaysia for changing the government. 

Dirtiest Politic ever in History

Malaysia 13th General Election 
Being Independence for 56 years
From Tunku Abdul Rahman to Najis 
From years to years, nations suffered from the unfair treat from the government
The economic crisis that boomed several years before had brought our economic and living style became harder 
And, the government did not work it out on the solutions but more corruption
They only well treated their own kinds just like the Ministers
All those having a higher position would benefit from country
Using all the money from the nations
Having unfair and unequal treatment 
Creating division among the nations

If you study historic, maybe you will said that Malaysia had the dirtiest election ever
In hundreds of countries, there's none of the country that would have such elections and Prime Minister
My everyday obligation was to read the news and watch the videos
From days to days, the anger was deeply lighten up 
If there's a chance to twist "XXXXX" into two, i would probably do it
President Obama cares about the nations, 
Najib cares about his money
Nations suffered from the increasing of the prices
Najib enjoyed from the profit 
Whats' government and Minister is that? 

Even though, you did not welfare the nations 
We might not blame 
But, if you were crossing the border and playing tricks 
Fooling the nations
Controlling everything 
This would only lighten up their anger
Besides, every nation has their right to vote who they want 
Not using $$$ to buy the vote 
Not using trick to eliminate the vote
That's unfair election and vote 
Hope the GOD sees what you had did
Murdering two innocent peoples 
Hope the GOD would punish you 
And, free the nations from the dirty government 
And, looking forward for the punishment that you will get after May 5 2013

Inspiration came into my mind

This came into my mind when the professor was talking about the "GLOBALIZATION" 
Secondly, BUSINESS 

A trade in between countries that will bring profit to the nations. 
But, why this idea "POP" out 
"WALMART" can be easily found in states and Europe
For, Asia it's only CHINA and KOREA 
Viewing from another perspective, i feel that this sort of business will benefit all of us. 
If Walmart can have the first ever branch in Malaysia
Store that operates 24 hours 
How would it be? 
It's only store that fully equip with the daily life materials
Although, Carefour or Giant also had the same concept but they were largely operating.
They consisted of too much store or stall and that suppose to belong as a mall. 
However, Walmart in Malaysia would not be the same as the others although they are selling the daily life materials.
Somehow, it would properly focusing on the American products so Malaysian could also be allow to access to USA product. 
It's just the matter of price that would be a little expensive 
So, if someone could bring this ideas into Malaysia market it properly would be a path for success. 

Shadow

Shadow everywhere 
No matter day and night 
Whenever there's a light , there's a shadow 
Shadow is like a reflection of our's past
Our mistake/ lesson
Once in our life, there will always a lesson that taught us 
Lesson that will always follow us for eternally
Isn't not a big ideal actually
But, the shadow sometimes can turn off someone's belief
The consequence that brought would be gigantic
Someone's might be LOST no where

"BALANCE" of the nature 
It can be good or bad 
Either way, depends on how you deal with it
Sometimes, it might need some time for us to figure out
It might be days or years

Shadow will follow us 
Is a mistake that will always remind of us
NOT to repeat the same mistake
The way we live
Unpredictable, uncontrollable
Shadow, teach us
Shadow, lead us 
Shadow, an image 
Shadow, lesson to grow 

Flipping through the diaries that written all the silly mistake that ever did 
Those mistake was ridiculous, make no sense of it
Maybe because of the "THOUGHT", i guess
Just smile whenever u saw your own shadow
Because it's happened to be a silly 

Truth and Lies

Everyone knows that truth is hard to be accepted 
But, do you ever think of living in a circle of lies is kind of covering yourself ?
No matter good lies or bad, things wont work out. 
Lies always come one after another just to cover the story
And, we never thought of the consequences that will bring for us once turn to be uncontrollable. 
And, we never thought of the person that will be hurt physically.
We couldn't control nor hold onto the lies to live the way we want
Lies only bring grieve and anger to each other
No matter how strong you are
You will not accept it
Who ever tells a lies would lose 
And, there would be no "TRUST" in between 

Reality is cruel
No one's want to admit it
But, who cares'
The GOD had created it and the balance of the nature that make us couldn't denied it
We are born to accept what we are about to, accept what we are
Knowing the truth would be tough for us to accept
But, there's nothing that we could change
I knew how it was, how it feels.
The bloody pumping heart was stab by thousand of knifes
The wounded heart was bleeding so badly
But, no one's know about it
Only you, yourself that would go through it 

No matter truth or lies 
None of it works in either way
Sometimes, peoples would said a good lies would harm nobody
Who knows?
Everyone minds and thoughts are different
So, we couldn't conclude that

If, i was ask to choose in between truth or lies 
I would probably choose the truth
No matter how much price it cost to hurt someone
Telling a truth would be better.
And, i think it would heal faster than telling a lie.
If it turns to be a lie then it probably would became a shadow for someone life for eternally 

信任

我的人生或许可以用“凄凉”来形容吧！
不是我的想法偏激或悲观，而是意识到很久没把它说出来。
朋友真正的意义是什么？
其实，我自己也不知道。
现在，唯一能交心的是妈妈不是朋友。
想了很久“为什么”
有时候，问起去假期旅行的时候，100%说不能。
有时候，我真的想不通其中的原理。
朋友真的可以那么忙？

另外是“曾经”的自己
或许我给身边的人的印象不好吧！
即使遇人遇事后，对一些事情的看法和以前不一样
但有时候真的觉得没有区别
因为曾经自己是那样，而要说你改变根本不可能嘛！
我承认以前的我是有些幼稚，什么东西都往facebook写
但，不代表现在或以后也是。
这种感觉就像不被信任，心真的很不舒服。
我想了一整晚，我真的很失败 
朋友之间的信任永远不会发生在我身上。

若有天自己消失了，可能也没有人会知道吧！
“信任” 的意义太重大了， 我要不起 也不渴望
宁可信任自己，好过他人信任我
而且，我也不该被情绪牵动着我 
那可蠢蠢欲动的心应该坚强 真的伤不起
宁可要回以前那颗冷血的心
这样烦恼就少了
同时，我也该隐身了。
与其管好自己，也不该去知道那么多吧！

想象与真实

近来，我发现想象与真实的差别
其实，想象是一件很不好的
生活在想象里永远都是一种虚幻，一种假象，一种自我安慰的方法
不但给自己一个虚幻的空间也让他人抱着希望
而现实（真实）永远都没有那么美好的 
就那么残酷

当被假象欺骗了的时候，真的很难去接受
太不真实了
所以，我告诉自己日后的日子（未来）我要的是真实的生活。
不要给自己一个虚假的安慰，因为 那都是假的。
真实的生活才能感觉得到它的温度，它的存在。
无论多残酷，都得面对
避得了一时，避不了一世