The Image

I'm not God but myself .

Sometimes, i'm lost nowhere 

Sometime, life can be reckless, hopeless, sad , disappointed

But,

if we're being optimistic 

Life will be fun, happy and meaningful. 

I just need someones' to enlighten me 

Telling and showing me the light, where i'm suppose to be.

I know, 

right now i'm not who i'm

Something is still missing 

And, what i need is explore myself to find out 

The fire will start to glow once the time is right

And, yet that will be the time i find myself.

The years and days before,

I blamed everything

I blamed on results, lecturer, friends, families but NOT myself.

That moment, i knew i was lost.

Somehow, I'm being too arrogant and tenacious on something and focusing more on the pre-surface.

I knew, life was never easy for everyone.

But, still I insisted with what I thought at first.

Nobody can changed it tho.

For now, i'm willing to accept whatever advise, comment from others.

The goal of mine was to learn as much as i could.

I'm willing to pay for the price and wanted to have a glory reputation

I want to earn my first goal before 30.

I see the image of what i wanted the most in the future.

I know what i'm going to focus on

And, I just need to brave myself and learn to be confidence

No more admiring on others.

For friendships, i will just take it easy.

No pressure on friendships

Journey is mine, not theirs.

So, why should I bother so much on friendships when it's no worthy?

Just be smart and learn.

Complaining all over the f* status at facebook sometime just got me so annoyed.

I'm not proud of myself but it's really the time for them to think about it.

From what i had seen was they were just the same as my past.

Be mature, please.

Think deeper and have a more wider images around the world.

莫名的伤感

这几天不懂怎么了，莫名的伤感~

是因为音乐还是人事物让我感觉到这种莫名的伤感！

曾经以为我拥有一颗冷酷，坚强的内心

原来，一切都变了！

只从经历了某些事情长智的时候，我就变了

变得不再是我，不再是以前的我。

开始变得多虑，顾虑，焦急

同时，也让我领悟一些道理

或许，是因为这样 我变得多虑 觉得我的生涯有点可悲

每当我想找人聊聊天的时候，往往哪里都是空无一人的

与妈咪谈心的时间已超以与朋友谈心了。

不懂是我人缘差 还是 我身边的朋友都只不过是过路人

有时侯想起，眼眶泪水就在里面打滚

真让我心疼，失望

我的友谊生涯-可悲

莫名的感觉

虽然人生充满了很多不愉快，不顺利的事情。但，你知道吗？往往在我们哀怨的时候，我们经历的事与物都是让我们经历长大的过程。以前，我常埋怨为什么我比别人倒霉，比别人不幸而今，我似乎有些领悟。人生的道路不是平坦的，而是曲折。如今我试着不和朋友说我的心得烦恼，因为真正懂你的人她们会理解，会去关心而不是等你去烦去诉苦而最终无济于事。现在，我学会如何去面对，解决，分析我自己想要的。懂得我的心想要的什么，不再犹豫，也不再拖拖拉拉的做决定。其实，告诉别人你的苦衷不见得是一件有效的事，别人和你经历的不一致，而她们也不会理解。每个人的人生路都不一样，所以我不会象以前那样笨想要别人去理解，去明白，去诉苦。虽然，我的大学生涯会很难熬，时间延长了，会有很多的难题等着我去面对，也会泪水等着我去擦干，也会有很多不如意的事等着我，而我相信只要不放弃，不犹豫，和常常询问妈咪意见。我相信这一切难熬的时刻很快就会过了。 有时侯，我真的觉得我变了尤其是我的心，不再那么的坚强。很多时候，遇到不如意的事或则功课和考试遇到难题我几乎都处于在精神焦急的状态，很容易崩溃，发脾气和哭。这个月我应食物的问题和妈咪发脾气了，我生气她不理解我的处境，我哭我懊恼。可是，事过后我很感动因为妈咪每个月又多deposit 150美金让我打得士去买吃的和用的。我真的不需要那么多钱，妈咪的辛苦，谅解真的让我铭记在心。我不应该向她发脾气，我知错了，妈咪。对不起。
今天，我的心疼，提不起劲，不知为什么？复杂的心情，莫名的感觉很难说清楚。但，最后我想说的是“妈咪，谢谢你一直以来的付出和谅解我的脾气。”

隐藏

一个嬉皮笑脸的人，你知道她背后隐藏的委屈吗？有多少个人能真正的理解？又有几个可以以你为出发点去体会？事实上真的，没有！即使与我最亲近的妈妈也无法体会我现在的心情。你知道吗？有时候，我在想我在这求学真的是对的选择吗？在一个交通不方便的郊区读书真的是为我好吗？你有可知道有时候我为这件事，懊恼了几天甚至发脾气。要出门，买东西真的好好好麻烦！都要靠别人，等等等！我接受不了，没有食物我好没安全感，而且我也不是很有耐性的人。我真的很需要一个明白我的立场的人但每次都没有。我真的好失败，我好想哭了！这是这学期我第二次崩溃和哭吧！是我变脆弱了，还是眼泪太多了？想到要在这鬼地方辅修双休学位我就开始摇摆不定，我不懂我是否应该继续还是选其中之一，快点毕业！ 有时候，活得真累 我很想放弃 又有谁知道呢？为什么人就是有那么多的借口，最让我厌恶的是“忙”。我真的很想去理解那忙中的意思，因为从我看来一个人的忙也不至于忙整天，而往往我身边的人给我的借口就是这个。依我看，关键不在于忙而是有心还是无心罢了。就像我推辞那些邀请，借口就是忙 而事实是我不想去。同样的道理，灌输在不同人的身上罢了。

What I really wanted to say ...

It had been a month i did not update my blogger. It's too much to say about and is too complicated. Last month, was pretty overwhelmed and unlucky month for myself. Not doing well with my courses, lost my new camera and lots of things to worry with. The last day of the month, I figured out that "Friends are just a passerby in our life" Mum always mentioned all over the time, but i just ignored. She was right about "Never rely too much on your friends, no ones' will come to you as they are bordering with their stuff" and now i agreed with, eventually. I asked friends for help on my assignment and none of it reply. How pathetic I am.  At last, I need to fuck up that assignment by burning up the midnight oil and almost had myself insomnia. For the first time, i slept for 4 hours. That's really suck and disappointed. However, I feel that i'm a lucky person because my families are always there for me helping out to figure the assignment. It makes me to feel like FRIENDS are just an air surround around us, IS EVERYWHERE! But is none of them will be willing to help you when it comes to problem. The only one that always stands by side always mum and myself , "ALONE". Really sound so helpless and pessimistic. To me, friends are just people who I can get  along with some party or fun but not a lending hand, not sharing secret. So, I'm done with it. Time to be invisible and low profile. I keep telling myself that never ever expecting or asking help from others. What I really need is letting myself to strong and knowledgeable. I know everyone is "BUSY" life and i really don't get it why they couldn't help instead of posting, commenting, or liking things. Friend is nothing even you have bunch of them, whenever you need help for something and you're alone then those friendships mean "NOTHING". It makes like i'm invisible with my friendships. Now, I understand it.I'm always thinking of what i expected from others that's why it ended up like this. No offense.