When you were lost once

When would the winter ends? How long does it take for the Spring to come ?

Lost 

When the thick icy snow buried the ground and you were once lost in the track. 

Life isn't easy but complicated. 

I had lost myself for many years. And, now it's time for me to seek the real me. 

What am i suppose to be? What's the purpose for me to live ? What's my obligation ?

Do i satisfied with what i'm now ? 

Am i who I'm  ?

I had asked myself the same questions , repeatedly almost every night. 

Did i found my answer in the lonely winter ? 

Hmmm ....

I would said yes, but not everything. 

I still found myself lost in my career path. I'm still struggling with what i'm on now. 

Biotechnology, Biomedical, Medical and Political. 

Four of it were still in consideration. 

Medical was my first dream since i was young, but i gave it up at the age of 16. 

I'm regret for what i did, but there's no time machine nor u-turn for me. 

I'm getting older from years to years, and i'm still working on my degree certificate. 

I must have the decision right now, before proceeding to another stage. 

Right now, I'm just lost in no where. 

Somehow, i really wish i could find the answer but i'm afraid that would take me a long time and I don't have much time for that either. 

Fooling around for 3 years really wasted my time, and when the time I'm willing to be serious and hardworking the time doesn't allow me. 

I won't said that as unfair, but a small punishment.

We shouldn't always blame the god or others when the things isn't right. 

We should think of "WHY"? 

I saw lots of my friends in Malaysia didn't really know how the laws work. 

Despite, their way of thinking is still on their own, the way they see things differently. 

I just felt uncomfortable and loss patience when chatting with them. 

Maybe I'm a little arrogant with myself. 

Why I'm lost, there's only one reason because i thought of being lost. 

That's what the Law of Attraction taught me. 

Think the way you want and make it happen. 

That's why others always said " THINK POSITIVELY" 

I should clear my mind and think carefully what i'm willing for the coming 10 years. 

Do you agree ?

Engaged Idealist

"Popular and sensitive, with outstanding people skills. Externally focused, with real concern for how others think and feel. Usually dislike being alone. They see everything from the human angle and dislike impersonal analysis. Very effective at managing people issues and leading group discussions. Interested in serving others and probably place the needs of others over their own needs." 

Am I? I think this was my second time having this personality test and the result was so close to my personality. I really doubt it. Somehow, i hope there's someone could tell me the answer. 

Spring Break

             Most of the University has begin with their Spring break. I saw lots of my friends travelling to other states, I'm so jealous with. Nonetheless, I still have 3 Midterm to go before the break. I know, I know. Pathetic life ! This's how student life suppose to be. Although, I'm having a difficult time dealing with the History and Biology, I still need to go through it. It's just depends whether I want it to be in a tough or relax way. I can feel the burden i had right now. The overwhelming of the studies really make my life stressful. 
             Every night, every moment when i'm weak and tired I always comforting myself "It will be over soon" trying to make myself tough. Sometimes, i really hate myself because no matter how hard i work the grade wasn't that good as i thought. The more I'm trying to pushing up my grade especially Biology the more I wanted to give up with. I couldn't focus on the textbook for so long, and i'm so easy to get distracted. I tried to arrange my schedule and accomplish my task for the week. I wish there's somebody that can by my side helping me and until now i haven't get it. All it needs --- TIME
             This was my first Spring in Kent and having 1 week break. Everyone is heading to the cities and I will be staying at home dealing with my books and maybe sunshine in Kent. Spring break suppose to be travelling, having some shopping and enjoying life in the cities. I'm just jealous for those that can travel. Never mind, i believed even in a small town i also can have some enjoyment. Maybe i could try the food downtown, eat whatever i can, load my tummy with all food and grow fatter. This sound to great, right? 
              This coming Spring break I might can have a visit to IKEA and grab a small sofa place it in my room and then enjoy my life with books and coffee or maybe with some classical song. Whoa~ it sound awesome.  Looking forward for the wonderful Spring break and best ever for my Mid term. 

End of the Winter and the Beginning of Spring

Dramatic changes in the weather temperature that almost drive me crazy.
I wondered how could they live in seasoning country?
How could they lived under a negative condition ?
How many layers of clothes do they had ?
Wont they be uncomfortable ?
Too much wonders and questions for that.

Contrarily, country that located near to the equator also came up with questioning.
Long exploded skin under the sun radiation could cause skin cancer.
Sweating whole day long making peoples to be frustrated.
Having short pants making peoples to be guilty.
No matter seasoning or sunny, there's always questions by the peoples.

Now, i wondered !!!
Can i get myself adapted to the weather in Malaysia once i'm back ?
Frankly speak, I do love the weather in the United States especially when it is sunny with wind.
No sweating, No freezing
Partying, cycling, walking around the town would be the best option ever.
Although, some of them said during the summer in United States it will be hotter than Malaysia.
I doubt.
I should get a shot next year either in States or Europe.

Always get yourself ready and motivated

 不懂为什么，听着听着来了很多的感触。是因为今天天气好脾气好的关系才会那样，还是orchestral music 的影响力就是么的伟大。 

今天得太阳真猛又带有些微风，吹了都觉得舒服。那种感觉的就像我刚到美国时候。虽然，日子过的好快，很多事情很多人物都在改变进步，那我呢？ 我又有没有改变？昨天阿姨问我，“在美国你最大收获是什么？” “我不知道，或许是物质上吧！”  “或许是成长了些吧！” 很多时候，很多事情，我不在看表面而是深入的思考各方面的可能性因为事情本来就没那么简单 而我也不例外。虽然，我的喜怒哀乐可以让我身旁的人一瞬间就观察到，但我的想法心思他们永远都猜不到。除非那个人真的很了解我就像妈咪。

这对我来说s是好还是坏呢？答案还在搜索中~

今天下午去了书店，我很喜欢。虽然，那里的规模不大，书籍有限但我感到很满足。书有一种魔力，说不清的 就像可以让我放松自己。好久都没有看书了，那些书都搁在那里许久了呗！或许我该抽一些时间看看书，增进自己的学问了吧！现在我明白学问的重要性，与一个人有学问交谈时，那种感觉是真的不一样。我也想成为那样的人，所以不可以在懒散了。 我一定要克制自己，安排好自己每天的行程。

每天还没起床之前，想想自己的选择~

March 2013

        Is the 3rd month of the 2013. Time flies, things change. Throughout the 8 months in United States, I felt like I had changed. I felt that i had thought of things differently and feeling that friends in Malaysia are no longer the same tone as me. There's a gap between us, and started to feel annoy on their words and the way they act toward something. Frankly speak, I never regret for choosing United States. United States is really a long journey far away from home, and sometimes that being homesick was terrible.
        In United States, I met different kinds of people, and some of them were making me to feel annoying and  no knowledge. I'm not praising myself or being arrogant, perhaps i am just telling the fact i saw and  i had went through. I'm not judging them or discriminating them in a specific way yet just the way, they think and look at the world was different.
       Culture also played a significant role in this situation.  I think most of the peoples faced culture shock seasoning. But for those Chinese China would had a tough period than me. Part of them that i knew were just ego and thinking that they were the best and powerful in the world, and cannot accept the American culture and education method. Other than that, they were just fussy when i knew to speak in Mandarin, but soon they started to jeer and sarcasm on my standard. This was the most annoying part i hate about it. Since then,  i really wanted to punch them for acting rude to me. During that period, i called mother almost every night just to relieve my anger. Unfortunately, thing doesn't work out in the way that suppose to be and everything just went out of my control. It was totally a mess and no one's knew about it.
       It is true that they seem to act like a jerk and knew nothing.  This situation continuous and almost drive me crazy. Humiliating my language by saying my standard of Mandarin. Yeah, i admitted that my Mandarin wasn't good at all, although i am a Chinese. But, what can i do? I hate Mandarin since i was young and having a grade C from pre-school till high school was sufficient and my parents said nothing at all. I'm not planning to work or live in a Chinese country or culture in the future so it doesn't matter whether i speak Mandarin or not. They just look down at me and always teased me on their Fck language. Taking English classes with them were tragic and all was the adviser fault. She insisted for putting me into a wrong level of class and  screwed up my life. With my standard i wouldn't be taking the basic English, learning kinder-garden stuff with them. Their English were far behind and lots of the simple vocabulary that they do not understand. Their essay was translated from Mandarin and so hard to understand. Other than that, the way they spoke were totally rude in manner, loud and dirty words. An educated person or came from a middle class family should behave in a polite manners.

         Aikkkk.... Forget about them at the moment. Let's start something new XD
         Two more month left and start counting down on the days. Instead of thinking my home, my flight, my holidays, i should be more worried about my BSCI and History. Both of the subject were the having the lowest grade among 5 of the subjects. I wanted to maintain my actual Dean List, but it's really hard. I had overload myself for taking heavy subject. I'm trying very hard to cope with the grade right now, but i just got distracted easily. What should I do? I don't want to disappoint mum again. What i had done in Malaysia was enough, i musn't repeated the same mistake. Aiming for a higher grade will get myself burden and stressful. I understand that stress will motivate someone's but excluded me. I couldn't handle that kind of stress, i will turn up into psychological depressed and this could screw up everything. I'm finding a way to improve, mixing with some friends braving myself to interact with others, that's my goal for 2013.

极品

不懂怎么搞的，来了美国后什么样的人都被我遇上。我该说我自己倒霉还是上帝安排啊！人生中的转折就是这样开始的吗？一定要经历才懂，才了解。但这对我来说这些经历真的来得太早了，还没踏出社会就遇上了。心灵和心智都还没准备好呢！
在美国，短短的8个月就然我遇到了三个我称为「极品」的人。
第一个 是我前室友。
合钱买了电视机，钱给了；搬家后，竟然要不回那笔钱。既然说好是合钱，那照理说我搬出去的话她应该还我呀！脸皮真厚，而且不是小数字！290刀 也！好吧，就当我衰，被狗咬！
第二个是和我一起去玩的（也不是很认识那种）
他是让我大开眼界的男生。活了21年从没遇过这样情绪化的男生。比女生还惨。 不懂该怎么形容。与他相处久了会让女生反感。
 寒假回来后，在学校遇到个背影和他相识都会感到怕。
第三个 就真的是世上最糟糕的男生。
他能认第二，没人敢认第一哦。想法低俗，偏激，强词夺理。还可以把责任推得一干二净。这种男生是最没用。而且，还用词句重伤别人。认识这样的人真的是三生不幸，能割清关系是最好，就当过没认识过。在学校遇到也当路人甲。

我自己都不懂我该感到庆幸还是悲哀。上帝的安排有时真让我措手不及，毕竟我见识的世面还不多。当遇到的时候，我真的不懂该怎么处理。所以，这也是我改观的原因吧！世上觉得没有我想得那么简单与美好。从每个人的外表，行为举止，个个看起来都很好、友善，但 一旦相处后，种种问题就出现。与一个人相处真的不能只看外表，因为外表往往都是虚假的。