我想说

你知道吗？
以前的我常抱着很多的希望，因为常听人家说“有希望，就会有奇迹” “坚持信念，就有希望” 。
在我21岁那年，一个人离乡背井来到美国，和朋友分隔的时候 ，我才明白--希望 的意义。
以前的我常抱着这份希望，因为我深信这份希望会改写当时的状况。打比方说，与朋友约说这次要去那里那里，而最后一头空，但还深信下次一定会去。就是那份所谓的 “希望”， 所以梦想常破灭而脾气也就来了。
在国外的这两年，这份“希望” 开始不存在了。因为“希望” 不靠谱，而现在我想要的是当机立断，真实感 而不是一场虚幻，一个假设性的答案。听起来是有点偏激，但人生不就该这样吗？
近日，我每晚都在幻想我回国的那段日子。我真心的想要拥有一个与众不同的聚餐，生日，人际互动，但现实就是现实。再怎么幻想他还是虚幻，现实就是残酷。
虽然，我认清现实但我还是很渴望那些虚幻的能成真。
人生实在太短暂，我真的不想错过。以前，或许不怕死，但如今非同往日。
人生实在太多的意外，连我都不敢担保我自己的未来和下一刻发生的。
因为我知道那份 “痛”  “失望” 的感觉，所以很多事情我都开始不抱希望。 这样的话，那份 “痛” 与 “失望” 就不会有。朋友说旅行，我先听着；与家人旅行，我先歇下，因为我知道到最后又是一场欢喜一场空，又何必呢？ 

"Because I know how it feels, how pain it is and that is why i start giving up with hope"

My Spring

"If you can't have fun, there's no sense in doing it" by PAUL WALKER

Had been two years since the day i left Malaysia and began with my new life. Eventually, this semester i screwed up once again. I don't know why, and i also don't get it why. I would said "just not the year, 2014". Shameful of myself and also being afraid of my cgpa. Friends and time make the differences, I guess. I might be spending too much time on food, chilling and not being focus with my studies. I believed hard work paid off but sometimes, i'm just lazy with it and over self esteem.  The pain i had cannot be heal and tell, none of my friends understand how miserable it is. What i did was to figure out myself and try it once more. I thought of dropping Biotechnology but that seems to be a waste of money if i really do so. I'm half way of the track and quit in between that's really proved myself - useless. I believed, if i'm willing to change my way of study especially my gratitude and my consistency I will get a better grade. I knew this will be tougher road ever since the day i'm having double majors and Biotechnology isn't an easy job tho. It is a stressful job and willing to withstand all sort of pressure to obtain a higher achieve. I must find the way of interest on both majors so i won't be struggle throughout my entire degree.