March 2013

        Is the 3rd month of the 2013. Time flies, things change. Throughout the 8 months in United States, I felt like I had changed. I felt that i had thought of things differently and feeling that friends in Malaysia are no longer the same tone as me. There's a gap between us, and started to feel annoy on their words and the way they act toward something. Frankly speak, I never regret for choosing United States. United States is really a long journey far away from home, and sometimes that being homesick was terrible.
        In United States, I met different kinds of people, and some of them were making me to feel annoying and  no knowledge. I'm not praising myself or being arrogant, perhaps i am just telling the fact i saw and  i had went through. I'm not judging them or discriminating them in a specific way yet just the way, they think and look at the world was different.
       Culture also played a significant role in this situation.  I think most of the peoples faced culture shock seasoning. But for those Chinese China would had a tough period than me. Part of them that i knew were just ego and thinking that they were the best and powerful in the world, and cannot accept the American culture and education method. Other than that, they were just fussy when i knew to speak in Mandarin, but soon they started to jeer and sarcasm on my standard. This was the most annoying part i hate about it. Since then,  i really wanted to punch them for acting rude to me. During that period, i called mother almost every night just to relieve my anger. Unfortunately, thing doesn't work out in the way that suppose to be and everything just went out of my control. It was totally a mess and no one's knew about it.
       It is true that they seem to act like a jerk and knew nothing.  This situation continuous and almost drive me crazy. Humiliating my language by saying my standard of Mandarin. Yeah, i admitted that my Mandarin wasn't good at all, although i am a Chinese. But, what can i do? I hate Mandarin since i was young and having a grade C from pre-school till high school was sufficient and my parents said nothing at all. I'm not planning to work or live in a Chinese country or culture in the future so it doesn't matter whether i speak Mandarin or not. They just look down at me and always teased me on their Fck language. Taking English classes with them were tragic and all was the adviser fault. She insisted for putting me into a wrong level of class and  screwed up my life. With my standard i wouldn't be taking the basic English, learning kinder-garden stuff with them. Their English were far behind and lots of the simple vocabulary that they do not understand. Their essay was translated from Mandarin and so hard to understand. Other than that, the way they spoke were totally rude in manner, loud and dirty words. An educated person or came from a middle class family should behave in a polite manners.

         Aikkkk.... Forget about them at the moment. Let's start something new XD
         Two more month left and start counting down on the days. Instead of thinking my home, my flight, my holidays, i should be more worried about my BSCI and History. Both of the subject were the having the lowest grade among 5 of the subjects. I wanted to maintain my actual Dean List, but it's really hard. I had overload myself for taking heavy subject. I'm trying very hard to cope with the grade right now, but i just got distracted easily. What should I do? I don't want to disappoint mum again. What i had done in Malaysia was enough, i musn't repeated the same mistake. Aiming for a higher grade will get myself burden and stressful. I understand that stress will motivate someone's but excluded me. I couldn't handle that kind of stress, i will turn up into psychological depressed and this could screw up everything. I'm finding a way to improve, mixing with some friends braving myself to interact with others, that's my goal for 2013.