Uncertain Life

Mystery lost of MH 370. 239 passengers included the aircraft on board heading towards Beijing was declared "MISSING". This is the cruelty of life, the pain that brought for those being left behind, tears that no longer hold in our eyes. Heartbreaking news of the year. Everyone is looking for miracle and hold upon their faith and belief. There were no wrenched evidence found at the moment, but none of it can explain where is the plane gone or is everyone on board still alive? 
Life ... I started to be afraid. Live without the superpower or foreseeing the future is insecure. Unpredictable ! Losing someone you love and heartbreaking doesn't matter but we lost our soul at the same time too. 

February

I couldn't tell how I felt at the moment. It's just complicated and distracting.

Recently, everything went out of the track. I fuck up two of my major subject and stil struggle with another two ( gonna to get the result by next week). The worst feelings ever especially I'm not doing well. Somehow, yesterday mum just told me a tragic news about the lost ( CEOs of brother company) and he was so young and a billionaire. Plane crashed miles away from Breckenridge, Colorado. Inspiration again!! 

Life, as short as we all known. Unpredictable , accidents can happens anywhere, anytime without any precursor. Now, I'm afraid. I'm a coward now, I'm afraid since the accident ( January). Although, I'm no longer having night mare of it but still, when I heard anything about death- I'm shivering. Why god take those good people away when they were so young? For now, I knew how much it value for someone life and I'm praying for my parents, brother, grandma, families and friends healthy always and forever. I couldn't hold on to any lost. Being healthy, happy are the only thing I wished forever my birthday wish. I love everyone especially mum, brother and dad, even though sometimes, I tried to be mean and childish. 

Complicated feeling ever had. I never thought of financial problem since I was born. I knew I'm a lucky child and I didn't appreciate what I had. I'm regretted. I never thought maybe someday I might need to quit my studying middle in the road. I never thought of someday my parents will get older and I'm overwhelming them with the expenses in the states. When I first heard the news, I was so worried and I barely cry. I'm worried. I don't want to let go of my dream, although mum didn't mention anything about the financial yet I knew its not optimism. I really hope with my current CGpa I can get scholarship. I really need sponsor from the school or company. I don't want to disappoint anyone, and I'm going to work as hard as I could to brush up my foundation and maintain the current gpa. 

2013

2013 was a dream for me. Peoples come and go within a seconds, unpredictable and I only caught the tiny of the air left behind. Everything just happened to be out of the box without any preparation and this is what we called it as "LIFE" .
 From the beginning of the year', I thought it would be a great and unforgettable 2013 ever yet everything just fuck up when it cames to the end of the year. My favorite actor had gone to the heaven and learnt a hard lesson and going through a tough time. I'm still not over with it dealing with the hard time. 
Somehow,  I do realized what "FRIENDS" really stand for after seeing what Vin Diesel, Tyrese Gibson, Gal Gadot, Jordana Brester and etc did and grieved, mourned for the loss of two lives. Paul Walker and Nelson Mandela left the world with their magnificent work that will be carry on. And the most important was my friend (classmate) leaving to New York to further her studies. 
Imagine it, how sad it was. When you just got to know someone for months and then she's leaving. Anyway, New York isn't far from here hopefully we can meet up at any free time and build up the friendships. The only thing I regret about was we didn't get to have ice skating together. I just miss her, she's such a pretty, lovely girl and I felt so great to be around with her. If time can slip over, I would probably spend more time with her as bond for friendship.
This year, I seen, learnt and grow. People i met taught me, loves me, cares about me and i'm appreciate. God, treat me well. I spent the last day of 2013 at Epcot, Florida with my sickness. That's awful and tiring. Meanwhile, i also had some wishes for myself
1. I need to move on with my life with the spirit Paul left behind. I might not as rich, as generous but at least i can be someone dedicating to the society.
2. I must take good care of myself because life is limited and unpredictable. 
3. Brand new year, brand new semester. I need to hold onto my faith and keep working on what i suppose to, no matter how tough it is. Life stress me out, and I stress work out. 
4. I need to find someone that can help me in my career, my studies, and my living.
5. I wish i could spent more time with my families and friends.
6. I must learn to forgive someone and helpful. 
7. *secret* 

Results

Waiting for results always the typical process for me. I worried, afraid of the failure and so on.

Had the exam till the last day of the week and waiting for the results to be release on the coming week.

It's always nervous while going through the process. Somehow, i love the surprise that sometimes were out of my expectation. 

Although, i'm satisfied with the grade but still there's one or two that disappointed me.

I wonder, how do I live through the entire years with a FAIL or Passing grade for the pass? 

Passing grade means a fail to me and that's what i seen in Malaysian. 

Hoping for a passing grade for the final. 

Ain't they worried about their resume for the future purpose? 

Right now, only A's and B's satisfy my desire, my expectation, my hope, my dreams. 

I couldn't take any failure in the future, not the minor, at least. 

I hold my faith and strength against the reality and cruelty. 

眼睛

好几年了，这种感觉和预感都快给忘了。 人与人之间的最间接的接触就是眼睛。对我来说是一件很奥妙的。👀 与眼睛也存在我们所谓的“磁场”，搞得我好紧张（有时候）。

近几年我都不用正面的眼神去看一个人，而“他的眼睛”终于成功的吸引我。每周我们只会碰两次面，而这两天我都会特别的期待，好像“他”の到来会牵动着我的心情。很多时候，我都在想是不是缘分安排の。与他同班一年，第一堂课就被安排与他一组而接二连三都是他。你说，这是缘分吗？ 那时的我还没被他的眼睛吸引，但我却发现他长得挺好看，帅。 然后，这学期我们又同班了。这次与他同组的机会变少但就多了眼神交流。我很希望这不是我太命感或者想过而做的结论。很多时候，我们想の东西很一致，而且常常碰衣服的颜色。一次两次可以说是巧合，但多过三次就是缘分吧！ 他的条件很好，不抽烟，不喝酒而且还会下厨，这の是好男生。可惜の是我们宗教理念不同，我就不明白为什么班上的中国妹子不喜欢和他们一组！话说回来这の却让我感到很奇怪，每次我们互相看对方时那种眼神，那种感觉很不一样。 与我对望其他の中东人眼神不一样，可以告诉我原因吗？ 前几个月还是夏天の一个晚上，我去倒垃圾时隐约の听到他的声音在另外一栋楼那，那时の我没戴眼镜但我知道那里有人在聊天。那时候，我开始紧张，开心。若他是住我隔壁楼那也太有缘太巧了吧！你说呢？ 过后，我开始回避与他眼神交流但还是很难避免。我不想越陷越深，对不实际の拥有任何的希望，也不想拥有那么的想象。

上帝，若这真的你安排的缘分我会坦然地接受但我可不想为着一点小事烦哦。有缘的话，下学期就会同班或相遇吧！

When it comes to reality

I thought I could hold my strength with the bravery that god gave 

Unfortunate, I fail 

It will be a long December and 2013

We all loss the car legend, Paul Walker which really make my day down 

Throwback on every movie, condolence by the ff families 

Devastating news ever 

The tears just couldn't hold any longer in my eyes

Heartbreaking for the universal  and also for me
Suddenly, i felt that i lost someone important in my life and turn my life to be dark.
Looking forward the light sent by the God to show me the path
Now, i realized how important it is to be love and love everyone besides you.
"LOVE" is never late as you have it with you and telling peoples. 
"LOVE" is never a romantic but somehow a way to show you caring.
Nov 30 always a day to remember you, and your spirit will always live with us. 

The Loss

Nov 30 2013, black day of the month because we all loss him, Paul Walker.

Legend of the car race since 2001, playing the role of Brian O' Conner in Fast & Furious.

Yet, everything gonna to be different since then.

The moment i saw the news it was really a huge strike ever.

Only two celebrities that got me down.

Wong Ka Kui, Paul Wong dead on June 30 1993 and now we loss Paul Walker one the Nov 30 twenty years after Paul Wong.

A sudden strike and tragic news before the end of 2013.

I really wish that's just a sense of rumor 

Somehow, God just playing a trick with us.

All the fans of him got heartbroken once the news was confirmed.

I still can't believed it,

just like i'm still dreaming.

You know, how much it hurts although he's just my favor actor

I did cry the moment i hear about the news'

Barely lose of control of myself

The sadness can be only buried inside my heart 

Dec 13 will be his last movie left for all of his fans,

Paul Walker, rest in peace 

and I believed your work left for us will always remain as what it was.