泪

一个月的坚持与坚强，终于在今天爆发了。从回来至今我的课业，我的住宿都一团糟。从期望到绝望，真的难以想象接下来的日子我该怎么过了。我知道我第一次的成绩都没达到目标，而我也知道我不该被他人影响，我也决定到图书馆温书了才回家。这是我目前唯一能读书的地方。虽说这是上天对我的考验，但为什么我总觉得我的考验都来得太早呢？很多让我长智的事情都发生在我大学生涯啊！能长进是好，但这对我来说我的确在很多方面都没有心理准备。很多时候的措手不及，让我做错了决定。昨天考完试后，生病了。一整天只啃了半片donut结果胃胀弄得我超级难受，又加上家里没一片刻的安宁，几乎每晚室友都会有朋友过来或者听歌看戏，一句话“无知” 又 “幼稚”。 第一年的学生就是这样的？ 每天都想着玩玩，也太自私了吧！而且，住跟她们除了忍受就是忍受。连煮饭都没了！洋妞不是每个都好，住跟她们后我发现我们不止言语沟通不了，文化也大大的差异。以前，班里的都是读书生，好奇我们的文化，能交的朋友，但直到这学期我才认清不是洋妞就好。只能说，之前我太幸运而如今“倒霉”。 现在每晚我都在祷告，真心的希望搬离这间家，因为我知道住得越久我心理障碍就越来越严重，精神上也会出了问题。想同时，我就会问自己是不是我的梦想太野了所以我才需要经历这些？雨后天晴是我现在唯一等待的。哭过了，心也舒服多了。

老天，求您了。

The Only One

To Lovely Mum, 

I really wanted to thank for all the hard work you had on me and also the loved, tolerance, cares you have on me. I'm just stupid and just realized after all year, things you had done and thought me are useful for my future. Last time i always grumbled about you and wanted to leave the house ASAP as the age comes. After all, i just realized that i'm nothing but a daughter and a child. I have lots of weakness that i can make it right in a short period but still i will try because i know time will teach me all the lesson. The more i explore, experience the more i will gain. "No Pain, No Gain" 

Since the day I'm back to States, my days just fucked up until today. I cannot cook at my house, because I'm living with 3 American girls. They are not getting used to Asian spices and food. I had been eating at restaurant for days and i'm getting so uncomfortable day after day. I stressed out because of my accommodation, i just felt so damn uncomfortable living here. I don't have my own space except my room. And, i told mum about my situation and there's room available at my Chinese friend friend's house. I'm just surprised when she asked me to move even i'm force to pay for the penalty. It's just warm and caring. When i'm lost, she will always there for me. There's no one can replace her in my life, not even my dad, my friends. The moment i had conversation with her through the phone i merely cried. Mum, you're the only one and forever one. Thanks for everything. You're the only reason why I'm fighting for with my double degree. I knew the courses are challenging and tough for me but every time i think of you, it motivates and keep me move on. 

Love Mum,

by daughter.